Well, here we are. This will thankfully be the last of the Miller Dark Knight Universe reviews (until I get my hands-on Superman: Year One) and I stress the word ‘thankfully’. I have actually enjoyed doing most of these stories, despite their lack of quality and good storytelling, but after all these weeks, I can’t wait to get onto something new. But before that, lets turn our attention to the most recent of Miller’s works, something which feels rather different to his other stories. In The Dark Knight Returns and its sequels, Miller attempted to implement politics or even satire of it in his stories. Occasionally, it worked because it felt natural, subtle and justified. In other stories, it felt bizarre, random and completely unrelated to the main story. Due to Miller’s clear fascination with political satire, he decided to write a whole story based on it. A whole fifty-or-so pages that point and laugh at the political establishment while also featuring some superheroes kicking the crap out of their villains. When he was writing this, Miller probably thought he was writing comedy gold, or just fantastic writing. But then, how could you take a story such as this one seriously, especially since it seems to convey that President Donald Trump is a creation of Darkseid. It’s also worth noting that Batman doesn’t appear in this story at all and instead, we are given the next generation of the World’s Finest team, with Batwoman (Carrie Kelley) and Lyra, along with her young brother Jonathan. So, naff contemporary political satire and bland characters? What can go wrong?
Dark Knight Returns: The Golden Child was a one-off prestige format book that was released in December 2019. It was released under DC’s Black Label imprint and It was
written by Frank Miller with art by Rafael Grampa. I have read this story in its original issue.
THE STORY
A few years after the events of Dark Knight III: Master Race, Lyra and Jonathan fly above Gotham City. Although Jonathan tells his sister that humans care for each other, she tells him that they just stink and eat constantly. They then both look inside a hospital, with Lyra saying that every human life is pointless. Afterwards, Lyra and Jonathan discover a protest march against Donald Trump, where protestors are being beaten up by terrorists dressed like the Joker. As the two of them watch “democracy in action”, Batwoman appears with her gang and they fight against the Jokers. As the news reports on the protest (with one politician believing that every citizen should have a gun in their home), the Jokers retreat once they are given the order by their boss. Later in the Bat Bunker (a new creation that has no real reason to exist), Lyra senses thar Darkseid is behind the Jokers attack and she warns Batwoman, who tells her that she is sick of her attitude. The two then have an argument as Lyra doesn’t believe that she should take orders from a human. However, Batwoman manages to get Lyra to listen, shocking Jonathan. Meanwhile, Darkseid and the Joker (seemingly not the real Joker) monitor the election. As his minions tell Darkseid that street violence and voter turnout is higher, the Joker rejoices as their puppet, Donald Trump, might win. At the same time, Batwoman and Lyra interrogate one of the Jokers, demanding to know where his boss is. After Lyra threatens him, he tells them everything. Across town, the Joker and Darkseid continue to monitor the election when Lyra and Jonathan appear. A huge fight ensues, with Lyra fighting Darkseid using her heat vision, seemingly defeating him by crushing him with rubble. However, Darkseid fights back and nearly kills Lyra using his Omega Effect. Suddenly, Jonathan unleashes huge blue energy beams from his eyes, attacking and injuring Darkseid, who then disappears, seemingly dead. After the fight, Batwoman arrives and it begins to rain blood, making Lyra realise that Darkseid will return and kill Jonathan. As Darkseid arrives back on Earth, natural disasters are caused. Back in Gotham City, the Joker and his gang are escaping in a car when they are attacked by Batwoman. Although the Joker tries to shoot her from his car, Batwoman distracts them as they crash into an arcade. Inside, the Joker and two of his goons run, before the lights are turned out. Quickly, Batwoman manages to take out the two goons, before then beating the Joker. Batwoman then texts Batman, telling him what she has done. Meanwhile on the news, Donald Trump is revealed to be a creation of the Joker. Suddenly, Darkseid appears once again, causing a huge fiery explosion as he does so. Lyra then appears, ready to fight. But, Darkseid manages to defeat her and take her as a hostage, attracting the attention of Jonathan. The two then confront each other and fight, with them both firing energy beams from their eyes. Yet, Darkseid is stronger and he captures Jonathan. However, Jonathan then vanishes and somehow enters Darkseid’s mind, severely weakening him. As Lyra vanishes, Darkseid is alone, now much weaker. He bleeds when a stone is thrown at him and as he gets up, he is confronted by Batwoman and her huge gang. She tells Darkseid that they are free and that is why they always win.
MY THOUGHTS
What makes a story worth writing? What makes a story worth reading? These are questions which writers and readers both have to think about. A good story has to have impact. It needs to alter the environment of the main characters or the characters themselves. It can be minor, but it still needs to have a lasting effect. There needs to be consequences of actions in order to create drama and action. In terms of reading it, the reasons are very similar. Readers want to see stories where characters are changed from events in the plot. Naturally, the writer has to provide an idea that is compelling and in practise, they (and the artist) have to create a world where it feels deserving for us to witness the events that take place in it. So, why am I telling you all of this? Because Dark Knight Returns: The Golden Child is not a story worth writing or reading. At the very beginning, we are introduced, or reintroduced, to Jonathan Kent. You thought his sister was the most flat and underdeveloped character ever? Well look no further! Jonathan may only be a child, but he seems to have high (continued)
intelligence and he likes humanity. That’s it. Although I despise her character, at least Lyra was notable for simply hating humanity. It still is an awfully two-dimensional basis to create any character, but it was just about something. Remove that hatred from Lyra and you get Jonathan. Apart from when he fights Darkseid, he is always very calm, as if he is constantly on Valium. He doesn't have any of the aggressive tendencies like his sister and due to that, there isn’t much about him which makes him noteworthy. Then our unholy trinity is complete with Batwoman. Undoubtedly, she is the best of the three main heroes, yet that doesn’t exactly make her into a fantastic character. It seems that Miller has completely forgotten how to writer her character, since she appears to be a female version of Batman, lacking any unique character traits that she once had. Even in stories such as Dark Knight III: Master Race she felt different from Batman. Away from the pretty terrible main cast and to the story. This is truly the worst part about this whole story. Political satire can be an excellent form of comedy, especially if you have a general knowledge about the current state of politics, whether it be in America or Europe. However, when done badly, it can be truly dreadful and irritating. So, which one is it? Is Darkseid and the Joker creating Donald Trump good satire, or bad satire. It is a matter of opinion, but to me, the very idea of this story feels like a bad joke you’d tell your mate down to the pub. Maybe that’s the story behind it. In all seriousness, Miller’s intentional comedy has never been funny to me. I usually laugh at moments which I don’t believe were meant to be funny, or if one of his stories are so bad that it is just funny. When he tries on purpose to be funny, it falls flat and ends up feeling forced and tiresome. In fact, the character of the Joker is simply present just to tell bad jokes. Speaking of which, this obviously isn’t the real Joker as he was killed in The Dark Knight Returns 3, but why is there a whole group of people impersonating him? Better yet, why does Darkseid decide to work with a Joker imposter? Surely, he has people like Desaad and Granny Goodness who can help him out? Why does Darkseid even want to play around with the world’s democracy? If he wants to be in power on Earth in some form, then he can just kill every world leader and that’s it. Miller has created this bizarrely intricate plot which really over-complicates matters, just so the story can be written in fifty pages and released in a square-bound expensive format. The plot is certainly one of Miller’s worst and I’m not just saying that, I mean it. At least stories to The Dark Knight Strikes Again, All Star Batman and Robin and even Dark Knight III: Master Race felt like stories that could work with the DC heroes, even if they were awful or bland. Here, this just doesn’t work at all since it falls flat on pretty much every level. There really isn’t enough plot for a book this length. In complete contrast to the story, its solution feels so unenthused and predictable. Batwoman easily takes out the Joker while Lyra and Jonathan take out Darkseid. It makes for pretty dull
reading and there are so many instances of padding. A particular moment is when Darkseid is defeated the first time by Jonathan. Why did that have to happen? Why couldn’t there have been one fight between the two characters at the very end, as opposed to in the middle. Miller really tries to drag this out for as long as he can and its one of the main reasons why the story fails. Speaking of which, this story features something which I consider to be very un-Miller, particularly in this day and age. In nearly every panel on every page, Miller places multiple captions, usually quite short but very common. These captions literally don’t add much of anything to the story. If anything, it prolongs the agony of reading it, since they feel entirely pointless. It makes the story very wordy and after a few pages, Miller’s writing becomes awfully stale and predictable. When you eventually get to the ending, the story concludes way too quickly, leaving many aspects unclear. What the hell happens in that last fight? How does Jonathan defeat Darkseid? How does he enter his mind? Is Jonathan dead? Is Lyra? Where are they? There are loads of question that can be asked, but alas, none are answered. Miller really needed to add a conclusion of sorts at the very end as what happens to the main characters remains a mystery. I guarantee if and when Miller does his next story, Lyra and Jonathan will just turn up and there will be no explanation for how they have come back. But yeah, Miller fails to wind the story down to a conclusion which ties everything up. Overall, it’s a complete train wreck!
I suppose we can find some comfort in the fact that Miller didn’t draw this mess. Instead, Rafael Grampa pencils and inks this… thing. I’d never heard of Grampa before but to make you aware of his style of art: think of Frank Quitely, if he couldn’t draw. To be honest, he’s not that bad. Some panels don’t look too bad and the actual page layouts can be quite compelling and effective. Yet, his finishes leave a lot to be desired and anatomically, most characters look rather strange and incredibly wrinkly. It’s not the worst art I’ve ever seen, but it is certainly lacking.
VERDICT
Overall, what do you want me to say? Dark Knight Returns: The Golden Child is a failure and it was always destined for failure. How could Miller believe that a story featuring such bland characters like Lyra, Batwoman and Jonathan could work? The main story starts off completely bizarrely before becoming some floppy bland mess that can’t hold its own for most of the story’s duration. Both Darkseid and the Joker are completely bland and their plot to take over American democracy if pathetic, mainly because Darkseid can just invade Earth using his soldiers or even just by himself. I haven’t even said anything good about the story. I guess I’m happy that this is just a one-off story and not a nine-issue maxiseries because if it went on for any longer, I would have to contemplate suicide. Despite my criticisms of it, Grampa’s art is inoffensive, and it just looks like a dodgy Frank Quitely impersonator. Truly, this is one of Miller’s worst stories ever. Thirty years ago, he wrote classics such as The Dark Knight Returns and Batman: Year One. But, as the years went by, it got progressively worse. The Dark Knight Strikes Again, All Star Batman and Robin, The Boy Wonder, Dark Knight III: Master Race and now Dark Knight Returns: The Golden Child. Frank, I think its time to give it a rest…
Story: 2/10
Art: 5/10
Next Week: The Question: Zen and Violence (The Question (vol 1) 1-6). Written by Dennis O’Neil with art by Denys Cowan and Rick Magyar. Expected by 04/10/2020.
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